I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize