All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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