Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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