i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize