Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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