so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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