your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize