question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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