fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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