my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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