my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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