Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize