I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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