my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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