apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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