That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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