I am spending my child support on dildos
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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