Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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