ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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