I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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