If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
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whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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