mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize