when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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