I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize