I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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