I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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