So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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