I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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