so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize