Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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