I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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