If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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