i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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