Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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