Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize