dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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