I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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