Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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