I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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