My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize