dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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