have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
cat food counts as protein by the way
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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