i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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