Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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