can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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