explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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