I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize