so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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