my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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