Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize